Shag versus Cormorant

Fishing with Birds by Ryan Van Winkle illustration by Lois Cordelia <img src="cormorant.jpg" style="width: 70vw;"> We sit on water and we wait for something to cross our minds like a change in weather leaves a different atmosphere behind. If we were flying over a hundred horses would you notice if one was a donkey or would you be too busy with your Can’t Eat and Don’t Sleep with your Push the Boat Out and Get to Work on Time. It was for the wind. It was for the hunger. It was for the silver crowd applauding in our throats, their hands like a thousand wiggling fish. I can navigate by the stars and the moss on rocks and you, by the smell of metal and the rainbows of light all along the vapid river. Either way we both know where we’re going doesn’t matter. So, shake your wings until your beak clicks and the wind blows a map into your brain.

Shag, Rampant by Philip Gross illustration by Sophie Gainsley <img src="shag.jpg" style="width: 70vw;"> Not a bird but a shaving of black slivered off from a wave-tip by a flight path level as a blade, he’s a wisp, a twist of lathe swarf, after- image of the sunlight’s flash- back from the every-angled heave. Now he’s the one still thing in all the surge-insurgency, our slim Bonnie Prince Curly with his quiff, his emerald sheen, would-be- heraldic – just a hint of irony in his delicate beak. Now he’s off again, hell-bent, kissing the swell and always at an angle counter to the way you're going. Or he sits low-wallowed in a trough, spring- loading himself for that flip up and dive... gone now for minutes, for too long, to bob up, too far, where you (always) weren’t expecting, with a shimmy, to shrug himself dry yet glitter – not the same shag, surely, but as if the sea had each time re-conceived the idea of ‘shag’. I can’t believe they breed there, in the boulders among hisses, grunts and wheezings like a satanic steam machine beneath dark cliffs. No, each shag is a one-off, perky rag of shadow with its crest up, question-mark- shaped like a wry Oh yes? It’s the sea’s riposte (believe me, I have its authority to tell you lies like this) to too much daylight, too much dazzle, too much blue.

<img src="shag-versus-cormorant.jpg" style="width: 60vw;"> It’s the fashion this winter: to turn yourself into an oily seabird, the better to weather the bonechill winds. But which will you become? [[Begin|Begin]] { <div class="preload" style="display: none;"> <img src="shag.jpg"> <img src="cormorant.jpg"> </div>}

Your eye is somewhat reptilian, is it not? [[Now that you mention it ...|Second question]] [[My eye?|Second question]]

It is done. Do you see your reflection here? You are no longer human, but a snake-necked shag. [[*Look*|Shag]]

The transformation is complete. See? In the glass? You have completely changed into a cormorant. [[*Look*|Cormorant]]

(if: $shag > $cormorant)[(goto: "Result: Shag")] (else:)[(goto: "Result: Cormorant")]

Shhhh fff-shhh wsssh. (link: "Brehehe heh heh")[(set: $cormorant += 2)(goto: "Final Question")] (link: "[...]")[(set: $shag += 1)(goto: "Final Question")]

The white flashing upon your thighs ... (link: "I’m delighted you’ve noticed.")[(set: $cormorant += 1)(goto: "Third question")] (link: "Oh I must have brushed up against the chalk cliffs.")[(set: $shag += 1)(goto: "Third question")]

When the road is quiet, I fancy I can hear the sea. (link: "That is hardly surprising.")[(set: $shag += 1)(goto: "Fourth question")] (link: "Tinnitus?")[(set: $cormorant += 1)(goto: "Fourth question")]

Why, is your top lip hooked, or are you sour with me? (link: "Somewhat personal, doctor.")[(set: $cormorant += 1)(goto: "Fifth question")] (link: "I was thinking of an incident.")[(set: $shag += 1)(goto: "Fifth question")]

May I brush your cheek ever so lightly? (link: "You’ve knuckles like ice cubes!")[(set: $cormorant += 1)(goto: "Sixth question")] (link: "*Turn away, to the window*")[(set: $shag += 1)(goto: "Sixth question")]

Would you describe yourself as svelte? (link: "I prefer - kakaka - to say slim.")[(set: $shag += 1)(goto: "Seventh question")] (link: "Hkr. I do not, generally speaking, describe myself.")[(set: $cormorant += 1)(goto: "Seventh question")]

I must know what hair product you use. (link: "Slickfish - kr - wetlook styling gel. Hbbr, hbrr.")[(set: $cormorant += 1)(goto: "Eighth question")] (link: "Prr. Surf style - brrip - texturising paste")[(set: $shag += 1)(goto: "Eighth question")]

Your coat ... (link: "Ka-ka-ka, ka-ka-ka. Yes, it ka-ka-katches the tint of the fire.")[(set: $shag += 1)(goto: "Penultimate question")] (link: "It’s heavy, I know. K-k-k. I stalk-k low - oo, oo - in it.")[(set: $cormorant += 1)(goto: "Penultimate question")]